How to Make Friends and Not Incinerate People Read online

  Contents

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Mailing List

  Coming Soon

  Other Books

  About the Author

  Acknowlegements

  Copyright

  HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND NOT INCINERATE PEOPLE

  Devin Harnois

  For B., the one who came before.

  CHAPTER ONE

  They turned onto an unmarked road. Mr. Johnson said, “Almost there.”

  Aiden looked out the window, wondering if he would see anything strange. It was a whole town full of supernatural creatures. And he was one of them.

  He glanced over at his parents, who looked as dazed as he felt. A month ago, they’d all been normal. Well, they’d thought they were normal. Now Aiden knew he was a changeling, that his parents weren’t his real parents—weren’t his birth parents—and they knew their real son was out there somewhere. Still, they’d taken it pretty well. At least on the outside, they were taking it better than he was. But they were probably as torn up on the inside. Aiden worried that they didn’t love him as much now that they knew he wasn’t really their son. He wasn’t even human.

  On either side of the road, the woods got denser. Maybe a supernatural town really could be hidden back here. A sign warned them they were approaching a dead end. Aiden looked at Mr. Johnson and opened his mouth to ask about it.

  In that creepy way of his, Mr. Johnson seemed to know what he was going to say. “Ignore the sign. It’s to keep people out.”

  Ahead, it looked like the trees grew right across the road. “What about—”

  “It’s an illusion. There are illusions and wards around Shadow Valley to make sure ordinary humans don’t stumble into it by accident.”

  Mom drew a sharp breath as the trees loomed closer. Aiden tensed, afraid they would slam into the huge trunks. A little noise escaped him when the trees were only feet away.

  The truck kept going, and in the next moment they were through. The trees thinned out, and then he saw buildings ahead of them.

  “Welcome to Shadow Valley,” Mr. Johnson said.

  “This is so weird,” Dad said.

  Aiden had to swallow to get spit back in his dry throat. “You can still change your mind.”

  Mom reached over and gripped his hand. “No. We won’t leave you to do this alone. No matter what he says, you’re still our son. We love you, Aiden.”

  “Thanks.” His throat was dry again.

  “She’s right,” Dad said. “We would never abandon you. Don’t even think that.”

  Aiden nodded.

  They reached the first few buildings. The town looked surprisingly normal: a gas station, restaurants, shops, a bank. Mr. Johnson made a few turns and there were more houses, neighborhoods that looked like every other small town in the Midwest. Aiden studied them, looking for anything weird. A few people worked in their yards, cutting grass, planting flowers.

  “I want to emphasize again that you won’t be in any danger here.” Mr. Johnson took another turn. “We have other humans living in Shadow Valley, generally parents of magically gifted children or spouses of nonhumans. There is some crime, just as in any town, but our crime rates are much lower than the city you were living in. Your neighbors will look out for you. I can introduce you if you don’t feel comfortable speaking to them alone.”

  “Thank you. We’d appreciate that,” Dad said.

  “Here we are.” Mr. Johnson pulled into the driveway of a house. It looked bigger than the house they’d lived in back in Dayton, white with brown trim, three floors—although the top floor looked like an attic and not a full level. The open porch had an overhang protecting it and even had a swing at one end.

  The house looked like something out of a movie, an image of a perfect suburban home. It didn’t have a white picket fence, but the lawn was trimmed.

  “Wow.” Mom stared up at their new house.

  “The movers should be here shortly with the rest of your belongings. Would you like a tour of the house?”

  “Yeah. Thank you,” she said.

  New town, new house, new school. Aiden’s stomach turned as he thought about Monday.

  * * *

  Heading out to the bus stop at sunset was surreal. Adjusting to the new schedule was going to be hard, but on the bright side, no more waking up early.

  On the other hand, it was his first day of high school and he didn’t know a single person. And his classmates were creatures out of nightmares.

  Their neighbors looked like normal people. On one side was a couple with young children and all of them were witches. Aside from their magical abilities, they were totally human. They seemed very nice too. His shell-shocked parents had been invited to dinner the following week.

  The family on the other side was part djinn, and their children were young. The older girl was in elementary school and her brother was just starting preschool. Aiden wondered if Mr. Johnson had picked this house specifically because the families on either side were human and part human. Mr. Johnson seemed to think everything through and do things with intent. He was staying in town for a few days in case they needed help. After that, he would go back to his normal job, searching out supernatural beings and making sure they were certified.

  Aiden reached the stop at the end of the block. An older-looking girl was already there, black hair cut short and a baseball cap turned around on her head.

  “Hi there. You must be new.” She smiled.

  “Yeah. I’m Aiden.” He held his hand out, wondering what she was. Was that rude?

  “I’m Tina.” She shook his hand. “What grade are you in?”

  “Ninth.”

  “Oh, my brother is your age.” She looked across the street. “If he doesn’t get here soon, he’s going to miss the bus.” Tina rolled her eyes. “I swear he’s late to everything.” She smiled when, a moment later, a boy darted out of a blue house and ran down the block. “There he is.”

  The boy checked for cars and ran across the street to join them. “New kid?” he asked Aiden.

  “Yeah. I’m Aiden.”

  “Toby.” The boy also had a baseball cap, turned backward like his sister’s.

  The bus arrived. Aiden hoped to sit with Toby so he’d have someone to talk to, but the boy waved to a friend and joined him. Tina also sat with someone, so Aiden ended up sitting alone near the front. He set his backpack on his lap, nervously wondering what kind of monster would sit
next to him. Everyone he’d met seemed normal, but maybe he’d just been lucky so far. Shadow Valley had all sorts of things—vampires, ghouls, shapeshifters, ghosts.

  The boy who ended up sitting next to him was older and built like a tank. Aiden was squished up against the window.

  “Hi.”

  The boy grunted and barely glanced at him. So much for conversation.

  Before long, they pulled up to the school. It was huge, built of brick, and the only windows were small and soaped over. It didn’t look very welcoming—sort of like a prison without the barbed wire, actually. The darkening sky didn’t help, either. Streetlights lent pools of light to the scene of kids streaming out of buses and into the building.

  Aiden swallowed, aware that he was surrounded by monsters. Now he could see hints of things that weren’t quite right in the crowd. Extra-pale skin, eyes glinting strangely in the light, a misty form drifting through the students, someone with small horns, a flash of blue light.

  A little shiver went through him, and he thought about just turning around and leaving. He had to remind himself that he wasn’t normal either. He was fae, a changeling, switched at birth. The memory of the incident in the locker room got him moving again. This school was where he belonged. He had to learn how to control his powers so he wouldn’t have accidents like that again.

  A little voice in his head pointed out that it would be nice to do something like that when he wanted to. If he could do that on command, no one would pick on him again.

  CHAPTER TWO

  He looked around for Toby or Tina but didn’t see them. He didn’t know anybody else, and he didn’t know where he was going or what he was doing. He felt very, very lost. Aiden dug his class list out of his bag. At least that was something. Wandering through the crowded halls, he checked classroom numbers until he found the right one for his homeroom.

  There weren’t as many desks as he was used to. Class sizes must be smaller here. A few kids were already in their seats in a little cluster at the back, chatting. Part of him wanted to join in, but he felt awkward. They looked like friends and probably didn’t want a stranger interrupting. He sat in the opposite corner, a row of empty desks between them.

  The warning bell rang. Other kids trickled in, the desks filling up. He hoped Toby was in the class so he would at least know somebody. Every time someone walked in, he glanced up. Aiden had to remind himself not to stare as he tried to guess what kind of monster each kid was. That pale girl, maybe a vampire. The boy with a pentacle around his neck, a witch. Another vampire—no, he had pointed ears. A werewolf?

  Aiden had almost gathered the courage to say hello to the pretty girl with long blond hair next to him, but the final bell rang and the teacher got up to close the door.

  “Good evening,” she said.

  The kids muttered a greeting.

  “We have a new student. Aiden, please stand up and say hello.”

  Everyone turned to look at him, and he wanted to melt into his seat. He stood up long enough to wave and say hi.

  “Aiden is a changeling, a fae. His family just moved here, and I hope you’ll all be welcoming to him.”

  Low whispers went through the room as the looks turned surprised. Mr. Johnson had said fae were rare, and if a class full of monsters was surprised, it must be true. As if he didn’t feel like he stood out enough already. Everyone else seemed to know each other.

  “Now, I’ll take attendance quickly and we’ll get started. We have a lot to cover today.”

  The door opened and a handsome boy stepped in. Aiden’s stomach did a little flip. The boy wore a black shirt and jeans, and his short hair stuck up every which way, as if he hadn’t bothered to comb it.

  “Dylan,” the teacher said, “so nice of you to join us.”

  Dylan ignored her and kept walking. There were only two empty desks, one at the very front and the other just in front of Aiden. Dylan slid into the seat closest to Aiden, his disinterested gaze shifting to slight surprise for a moment when their eyes met. Then he turned and slumped into the chair, backpack dropping to the floor.

  The class was a normal one, at least. It was U.S. History, and Aiden could almost pretend he was at a normal school. He’d missed the first three weeks of class, but he knew a little bit of history from middle school and he was confident he could catch up. The teacher gave him a textbook and Aiden took lots of notes on the reading he’d need to do.

  With dismay, he headed off to his next class: Minor Magical Control. Mr. Johnson had explained that it was classroom-based practice to control simpler, less dangerous types of magic. Things like glamours, levitating small objects, and accelerating plant growth. The day Mr. Johnson had appeared to tell Aiden he was a fae changeling, Aiden had made the tomatoes in the backyard go from tiny nubs to almost ripe.

  He wanted to learn how to control his power, but he knew the other kids had years of practice. He was going to look like an idiot.

  The history teacher pointed out his locker so Aiden could drop off his book. As he was closing the locker door, he saw the blond girl he’d sat next to.

  “Hi there.”

  The girl gave him a look and rolled her eyes. With a little sigh, she turned and walked away. So much for making friends.

  The teacher in Minor Magical Control greeted him right away. “Hello there. Aiden, right? I’m Mr. Kecskemeti, but you can call me Mr. K.” He pointed out a seat. “I’ll have Maggie sit with you. She’ll be able to help you out. Don’t worry about being behind the other students. I want you to concentrate on making progress, not comparing yourself to anyone else, okay?”

  Aiden nodded, but he knew he’d compare himself anyway. Maybe he couldn’t catch up right away, but he’d have to eventually. He didn’t want to be held back. If he didn’t graduate with the rest of his class, he’d be stuck in Shadow Valley for an extra year, and so would his parents. Once he graduated and was certified, he’d be able to go anywhere he wanted.

  Maggie arrived and introduced herself. She wore a pink headband and a Hello Kitty T-shirt, not at all what he expected. Most of the kids here wore black or gray. “Aiden, nice to meet you.” She shook his hand, a wide smile on her face. “This must all seem really strange to you.”

  He nodded. “A month ago, I thought I was a normal human.”

  “What are you, if you don’t mind me asking?” She smiled again. “I’m not trying to be rude, but it helps to know what you are so I understand what kind of magic you might be able to do.”

  “I’m a changeling. Fae.”

  Her eyes widened. “Wow. Full-blooded fae. No wonder you feel so strong. You have major mojo, mister.”

  “Yeah, but I have no idea how to use it.”

  She patted his arm. “That’s what I’m here for. I’m a witch, by the way. From a very long bloodline. Oh, sorry, that sounded like bragging. I didn’t mean it like that; I just mean that my family has been practicing magic for a long time, so I have experience.”

  “Okay.” Aiden didn’t know what else to say.

  The class was a failure, as he’d feared. The assignment was to lift a piece of paper from another desk and onto their own. Some could do it, some had partial success. Aiden couldn’t even get the paper to flutter. He was used to doing well in school, so this made him feel stupid.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Maggie nudged him. “You can try again tomorrow.”

  She’d demonstrated lifting the paper, and it had looked so easy. Aiden was so focused on his failure that he barely thought about how weird this was.

  The next class was math, a welcome relief, although he was having trouble staying awake. In the normal world, it was almost bedtime. Here, it was almost time for lunch. It was going to take a while to get used to this new schedule. When the bell rang for lunch, all he could think about was how much he wanted to sleep.

  He followed the mass of students to the lunchroom. Seeing the food woke him up but did nothing for his appetite. Do I even want to know what that stuff is? Piles of meat
, some of it not cooked, tall bottles full of red liquid, roasted insects. Aiden put a hand to his mouth and started to turn away.

  “Hey, new kid.” It was the handsome boy from homeroom, Dylan. “I think you want that side.” He pointed to the other end of the lunchroom where kids were filling their trays from a different buffet line.

  “What’s over there?”

  The corner of Dylan’s mouth turned up. “Human food.”

  A pale boy with hunched shoulders pushed past Aiden and grabbed a tray, filling his plate with raw meat. Aiden’s stomach rolled again, and he tried hard not to breathe in the smells. He followed Dylan to the other side of the room, sure he wasn’t going to be able to eat anything no matter what was over there. Still, he let out a sigh of relief when he saw a pile of salad.

  “There’s nothing weird about this, right?” he asked Dylan.

  “Nope. Regular human food.”

  “Why are there two different lines?”

  Dylan shrugged. “Food safety or something. And for the squeamish ones like you.” He smirked again. God, he was handsome.

  Aiden thought he should try to eat something, so he got salad and an apple. Dylan got a cheeseburger with a huge pile of fries, and the sight of the meat made Aiden queasy. At the end of the line, he expected to see a cashier, but there wasn’t one. That’s right. Mr. Johnson had said meals were free.

  Dylan sat down at an empty table and Aiden set his tray down across from him.

  “Who said you could sit there?” Dylan snapped.

  Feeling cold, Aiden lifted his tray. So much for making friends.

  As he turned, Dylan said, “Hey. I didn’t mean that. You can sit if you want.”

  Aiden hesitated. Dylan probably only felt sorry for him. What kind of sad puppy face was he making? Glancing over the room, he looked for Maggie. She was too energetic, but at least she was nice. He didn’t see her, and the tables were filling up. Everybody already had friends, probably ones they knew from middle school, even elementary school.