Not My Apocalypse Page 2

  “But we’re just kids,” Elliot said.

  “A few thousand years ago most of us would be considered adults. Besides, who else is gonna do it?”

  “I’ll do it,” Stefan said. “I don’t want the world to end.”

  “I don’t want the world to end either, but I’m scared.” Emily said.

  “You can help with switching the horses. We’ll hold off Sköll,” I said.

  “What about the injured horse? Apollo needs his horses, too, so we’ll have to switch them back before he goes and takes it, and we end up where started,” Colin said.

  I rubbed my temple. “We’ll take the injured horse to someone to get healed.” I searched my memory for horse deities. “We’ll get like, fucking Epona or something.”

  Colin perked up. “Oh hey, I can get her.”

  “What about the noninterference issue?” Elliot said. “If Ra can’t help us directly, then she won’t either.”

  Emily said, “But it’s not an act of aggression. If Ra helped us stop Sköll, then they could say he was trying to attack another pantheon. Healing a wounded horse isn’t the same thing.”

  Elliot kept looking for excuses. “But she still might not want to risk it.”

  “Then we’ll see if she knows someone who will. We’ll worry about that later. We need to move on this now.” I had to hope Satan didn’t find me until after we saved the world.

  Chapter 2

  It’s because of cemeteries and ghosts that I first met other gods. The first one I met was a sort-of god. I mean, when I asked him if he was, his answer was kind of fuzzy and I gave up trying to get him to explain. He was a cemetery guardian, and more than just a ghost. He’d come when the ghosts cried out, afraid of me. They wanted him to throw me out to protect them. This skeletal figure showed up and introduced himself as Ankou and threatened to drive me out of his territory. I convinced him I meant no harm and the ghosts calmed down.

  In other cemeteries I came across Hel, Hecate, the Morrigan (a raven goddess who heard about me from the crows), Odin, and Anubis. Through them I met lots of other deities. Some of them were nice to me, some of them were jerks. A lot of them seemed curious about me and asked me lots of questions. They all knew the prophecy about me, and I guess they assumed that since I was supposed to bring about the end of the world, I actually wanted to. Most of the ones that took the time to talk to me and gave me a chance realized I wanted nothing to do with my father’s plans, or for that matter, Jehovah’s.

  Some of the nicer ones invited me to visit them. Persephone, who was especially nice to me, invited me down to her underworld early one fall so I could keep her company. None of the other Greek deities wanted to go down to Hades and she got bored in the depressing realm filled with the shades of the dead. The idea of hanging out in the gloomy Greek underworld didn’t bother me at all. I mean shit, it sounded better than being at home.

  I made sure it was okay to bring along Mew-Mew (like, that he wouldn’t get stuck there or something) and I followed her down. It was the longest I’d been away from home, and yeah it was gloomy but Persephone was fun (okay, so I admit I have a little crush on her. I see why Hades would want her, although I hope I don’t have to kidnap a girl to get her to stay with me). I was in the Greek underworld for a month before Satan came looking for me. Hades was not happy about him showing up and for a while there I thought it was going to start a fight. But Hades kicked me out, so I had to go back home.

  Satan didn’t ever do me permanent damage, but he did beat the shit out of me whenever he dragged me home. And every time, I told myself that someday I would be strong enough to fight back.

  ***

  The plan was to steal Apollo’s horse that night and hide him somewhere. Emily would go with Colin and steal the spears just after sunrise when Ra laid them aside for the day. I chose to be on horse-stealing duty because I figured my affinity for fire might make me less likely to get hurt. Besides, I like animals and I was happy for an excuse to visit the stable of Apollo. Most of the Greek gods weren’t very nice to me, so I hadn’t gotten the chance before.

  Stefan and Elliot came with me to the stables. I got in contact with Persephone and she snuck us into the sky-realm without me telling her why we wanted to get up there. She didn’t ask, either, and left us to go about our business. Elliot led the way to the stable. It’s a good thing I’d been hanging out with gods for years and visiting all kinds of strange realms. If this had been my first time in a sky-realm, I might have freaked out. I’m only half divine, so I can’t flit around wherever like gods can, but my father was once an angel and I inherited an ability to travel in sky-realms. Stefan sank into the clouds with each step like it was deep snow, but Elliot did just fine.

  The stable of the sun was fucking awesome. Even at night, when everything around it was dark, it had a glow coming from inside, like the sun itself was in there sleeping. We got up to the huge doors, but they were bolted shut. It took the three of us a few tries and more than a little straining to lift the bar and get one of the doors open.

  Inside, it was so bright it was hard to see. I had to blink and squint for a long time, and I was worried someone would find us right then, when I was half blind and couldn’t see to defend myself. As my eyes started to adjust, I could make out the bright shapes of the horses in their stalls.

  The place smelled like heat—not like something burning, but like a hot, dry day. The animals were snorting, a little nervous as they watched us. I could talk to some horses, but not all. Unfortunately, it turned out I couldn’t talk to any of Apollo’s horses. So I had to do the best I could. “Easy, easy,” I told them with my hand still half covering my eyes.

  “They’re beautiful,” Stefan said.

  “Which one should we take?” Elliot asked. I glanced over and he looked nervous.

  “I don’t know. The one least likely to be missed?” It sounded lame even as I said it. Like Apollo wasn’t going to notice one of his horses missing.

  Elliot said, “There’re extras.”

  “What?”

  “He pulls the chariot with four horses. There are six in here.”

  “Good, then he’s got some to spare.” I moved toward the closest stall. The longer we were in here, the more chance that someone might find us and stop us. I stepped up to the horse and slowly lifted my hand. Is this how humans have to talk to animals? Because it’s hard. The horse looked at me warily but after a moment he leaned down and sniffed at my hand. He snorted and fire came out of his nostrils. He looked like he was made of fire, and even this close I couldn’t tell if there was anything underneath it. The fire shifted gently like a campfire in a light breeze. I rubbed his nose and moved my hand up until I was scratching behind his ears. Beneath the flames he was as solid as a regular horse, but warmer.

  “Isn’t it burning you?” Elliot asked.

  “My father is the lord of Hell. Fire doesn’t hurt me.”

  Stefan went to the front of the stable and I was about to ask him what he was doing when I realized he was looking for a bridle or something to lead the horse with. He swore for a while, searching the things hanging from the walls and the things piled on the floor. He came back with a frown on his face. “I can’t find a bridle or a saddle or anything.”

  “I guess that makes sense. They’re chariot horses, not horses for riding,” Elliot said.

  “Huh.” I looked at the horse, trying to keep from getting pissed off. Not having a bridle to lead the horse was such a stupid fucking little thing, and I wasn’t going to let something like that stop me. Not being able to talk to it sucked. “Maybe I could ride it.”

  “Ride a sun horse?” Elliot said.

  “Do you know how to ride bareback?” Stefan asked.

  “No.”

  He sighed. “Have you ever even ridden a horse before?”

  “No.” Both of them gave me a look as I kept petting the horse. “But how hard can it be? I mean, people do it in movies all the time.”

  “This isn’t t
he movies,” Stefan pointed out.

  “Well, I know that. But they’re mortals.” They kept looking at me. “Well, I gotta fucking try it at least. Unless you have a better idea?” They didn’t. So I led the horse out of his stall and used a bale of hay to get up high enough to hop onto his back. I got onto the sun horse and… well, I fell right off the other side. So it wasn’t as easy as I thought, cut me some slack. The other two couldn’t stop laughing, and I told them to shut up because they were making the horses nervous. I got right back up on the horse (there’s a metaphor about that, isn’t there?) and this time I was a little more careful. There wasn’t anything to hold onto except the fiery mane so I grabbed that and hoped it wasn’t going to piss the horse off. He seemed okay with it.

  So now I was sitting on a sun horse and I wasn’t sure what to do next. “Um, giddy up?” I said.

  Nothing. That made the other two start laughing again. “Fuck you, guys. You’re not helping.”

  “Kick him, like a cowboy,” Elliot suggested, making a clumsy demonstration.

  I tightened my hands on his mane. I didn’t want to fall off again. Then I tapped his flanks with my heels and he jerked forward. I just barely hung on. He only went a few feet before he stopped, so I nudged him again. He seemed confused, but he kept moving forward and we made it to the barn doors.

  I kept nudging the horse forward, talking to him softly the whole time, asking him to go forward, telling him what we were doing and why. I think maybe he understood some of what I was telling him because it got easier after a while and he walked along without me having to keep tapping my heels against him. When we were a few dozen feet from the stable, Stefan took my hand in his right and Elliot’s in his left and teleported us all out of there. Luckily we didn’t need a Greek god to get us out.

  We arrived in the cave we’d picked out, where we’d keep the horse until daybreak. I figured with nothing but rock around him he couldn’t set anything on fire. There were two problems with the spot—one, there was no door or anything to keep the horse in, so we had to watch him; and two, there weren’t any magical protections on the cave, so there was nothing to stop my father from finding me. We were right by the ocean and I hoped that would mask us a little. Water is not my father’s element.

  The three of us settled down to wait out the rest of the night. I sat close to the sun horse and talked to him every once in a while. He seemed calm enough and I was thankful for that. It seemed to take forever, but finally the sun started coming up and Elliot went to the mouth of the cave to look for Emily and Colin. They showed up carrying two huge spears and having some trouble with them. As I watched them come into the cave, I wondered how we were going to be able to use those huge things.

  Emily and I switched places. She tried to make friends with the sun horse while I took a closer look at one of the spears. It was heavy and twice as long as my body. I could barely lift it. How the fuck was I supposed to fight with this? Stefan had an easier time of it, although he looked awkward as he gave it a few test thrusts. He sighed and looked at the spear. “I wish we had a better plan.”

  “Well we don’t, so let’s do the best with what we have.” I turned to Emily. “Do you think you can handle switching the horses?”

  She swallowed. “I don’t know. I don’t know how the reins and stuff work, so how am I supposed to get the one unhooked so I can get this one hitched up?” She was petting the horse’s flank so at least the fire wasn’t going to hurt her.

  “Maybe I can figure something out,” Elliot said. “I went to horse camp for four years.”

  I stared at him. “That might have been useful information when I made an ass of myself trying to ride him.”

  Elliot pointed at the horse. “It’s made of fire. I’m not gonna ride that thing.”

  I sighed. “But you can help Emily figure out what to do, so you’re with her. Colin, you can help me hold up this spear.”

  We spent precious time working out a few more details, which brought our plan only up to half-assed instead of almost no plan at all. One of the things that saved this whole thing from being fucking pointless was that Stefan could get us into the sky. Thor had shown him how to get up into the Norse layer of the sky so he could show off how great his aim with lightning bolts was.

  So with Emily riding the sun horse, we all joined hands and Stefan took us up.

  There was something like ground up here, but it was invisible. It’s pretty fucking scary to be that high up and not see what you’re standing on. I looked around to make sure everyone else had made it. Emily had her eyes squeezed shut tight, and Elliot looked like he was about to piss his pants. “Guys, the chariot is coming. We don’t have time to be scared.” And there it was, the chariot of the sun, coming at us along the curve of the horizon. Behind it was the huge black wolf, Sköll. When I say huge I mean huge, like I underestimated how big he was.

  This thing was like, the size of a motherfucking elephant. And Stefan, Colin, and I could still barely lift the damn spears we were supposed to fight him off with. Shit.

  “Hurry up,” I told Emily and Elliot. Elliot was so pale he looked like he was trying to turn himself into a cloud so he could fucking disappear, but Emily swallowed and nudged the sun horse forward. Elliot jogged to keep up. They went to head off the chariot and I hoped that they would be able to stop the damn thing, otherwise we were fucked.

  Colin grabbed hold of the end of my spear and we raced toward Sköll. Emily passed us and got the sun horse in front of the chariot, blocking the way. The horses pulling the chariot tried to veer around them but they shifted to stay in front of them. The horses pulled back and skidded to a stop to avoid colliding with the sun horse. Watching all this was hard because the sun was in the chariot and staring at it hurt. I really wished I’d thought to bring along some fucking sunglasses. Through the bright light I could sometimes see a figure that looked like a woman. The Norse sun was female, so that made sense. I wondered if we could get her to help us, even if it was just to keep the chariot still while we switched horses.

  With the chariot stopped and us running, we caught up to it and hurried past. “We’re trying to help!” I shouted as we got close. “We’re giving you a new horse!”

  Now we were behind the chariot and Sköll was catching up fast. My stomach dropped out because holy fuck, we were actually going to face this thing. He looked even bigger close up and he opened his jaws as he ran toward us. I bet he could swallow me whole. “Stop and hold steady!” Stefan yelled. We stopped and planted ourselves and I hoped the sight of us holding the spears would at least give him pause.

  “Now!” Stefan yelled. I missed my cue, but he jabbed the spear forward and got Sköll right in the lower jaw. That made him pause. He skidded to a stop and whined, his tongue flicking out to lap up the blood. For a few seconds he was confused, staring at us like he couldn’t comprehend what had happened. Then he growled and lowered his head. Great. We’d just made him mad.

  At least we knew the spears could hurt him, even if we didn’t know if they’d hurt him enough. I looked around for weak points. His eyes were the most obvious, but to reach them we’d either have to get right up next to him or throw the spear and I wasn’t willing to take either risk. The inside of his mouth would work; if we could get a spear jammed down his throat that ought to at least distract him for a while (and it would make it a lot harder for him to eat us). But he’d have to have his jaws open for that and I wasn’t sure we could count on it.

  He came at us and we jabbed at him, missing but keeping him from getting at us. Stefan went for his mouth again, which I thought was probably our best bet. Then I noticed the way Sköll turned his head and shifted slightly to the right to snap at Stefan whenever the spear came at him. It left him vulnerable on the left side. His right, my left. He snapped again and I looked at his throat, wondering if I could go for it. I didn’t know if the spear could kill him and I wondered if I could take the risk of going for it and missing.

  Even if it didn
’t kill him, it would have to slow him down. So the next time he turned his head to snap at Stefan, I went for it. There was a little resistance as Colin didn’t know what I was doing, but then he moved with me, carrying the back end of the spear. I lifted it as high as I could and jabbed it at Sköll’s neck. I missed.

  He turned back toward me and the spear was thrown aside by his head. I was too close, way, way too fucking close but for a second I couldn’t stop my momentum. That momentum carried me forward and the spear came with me. Instead of hitting him in the throat, the spear point sank into his leg. Sköll howled and lunged at me.

  I let go of the spear, not thinking of anything but getting away from his jaws. I stumbled out of the way and regained my balance in enough time to see Sköll coming straight at me. The spear was stuck in his leg and slowed him down as he tripped over it. I dodged out of the way again, my heart racing as I panicked. I didn’t know what to do against a wolf big enough to swallow me whole.

  I lifted my hands, hoping my sporadic ability to call fire would work and save my ass. A few feet away from me, his open mouth looking like a tooth-lined cave, Sköll stopped and twisted aside. Stefan had taken advantage of the distraction and stabbed Sköll in the side. The huge wolf went into a rage, turning on Stefan instead. Now we’d lost both our weapons, the spears sticking out of either side of Sköll. I spared a glance at the chariot and saw Emily and Elliot fiddling with the straps on one of the horses. I couldn’t tell if they were strapping Apollo’s horse in or still trying to get the limping one out.

  Stefan dodged the snapping jaws and ran. There was no way he could outrun that thing. Colin looked fine but he was just standing there. Someone had to do something or Sköll was going to eat Stefan. And oh fuck, I realized that someone was me. I ran at the wolf, ignoring all thoughts of self-preservation. Stefan had circled the wolf, so now Sköll was facing the opposite way as he chased him. The spear Stefan had stuck in him was shaking up and down as the wolf moved, the wound dripping and leaving a trail. I went straight for the spear, grabbing it with both hands and pulling as hard as I could. Sköll let out a piercing yelp as the point came out and I fell on my ass with the spear still in my hands.